Early December, 2015

​

            Jacob never really liked Christmas that much. He didn’t understand the appeal of it. Well he understood why people liked it, but it just never appealed to him personally. So when his parents gave him a call a few weeks before the start of winter break, he already knew that it would be an unpleasant conversation.

 

“Mom, why do I have to come home for Christmas? I sort of just want to stay here and hang out with my friends.”

​

“Jacob, you have to come home. Don’t you want to spend time with your family? Once you get a job, you won’t be able to come home that often.” She paused. “Please.”

​

“Mom, I just saw you over Thanksgiving, and I’ll probably see you again soon.” He shifted his phone from one ear to the other. “And besides we don’t really do anything on Christmas anyways.”

​

“Just come back. Something important came up.” Another pause. “Please.” Desperation started to seep into her voice. “Haha mom, it’s only been three weeks but if you miss me that much, how could I refuse?”

​

“Ok, great. I’ll book the train tickets and send you the email as soon as I do, ok?” Jacob didn’t sense the tension built up in his mother’s voice until now. “Mom, is everything alright?”

​

“Yeah everything is fine, I just can’t wait to see you. Study hard for your finals and don’t get distracted.”

​

            “Thanks mom, love you.”

​

            “Love you too.”

​

The phone clicked and Jacob tossed his phone onto his bed. Damn, he really hated riding the bus back home. 10 hours of uncomfortable seating, cramped legroom, and the possibility of sitting next to a crazy drunkard. He knew he could have asked to take an airplane, but he hated asking his parents to spend extra money on him. As bad as riding the bus was, it was one less financial burden his parents had to stress about. He heard a ding from his phone and reached over to grab it.

​

eTickets

Greyhound: eTicket and Receipt for Your 12/20/15 trip

​

           Christmas morning, 2015

​

            Jacob woke up to the sound of pots and pans in the kitchen. He got out of bed and walked down the stairs, the smell of ham and casserole intensifying as he got closer to the kitchen. He could hear his sister talking on the phone with her friends, presumably about what their boyfriends got them for Christmas. Christ, she’s in 8th grade why does she have a boyfriend? As he entered the kitchen, his parents were putting the finishing touches on the meal.

​

            “Good morning”

​

            “It’s the afternoon, Jacob,” his dad said without looking up from the food.

​

            “They’re both the same thing right?”

​

His mom looked up and smiled, “Jacob it’s almost time to eat. Can you help set the table?”

​

“Sure.” He was already moving towards the utensils drawer. College life was so much easier living with dining halls. He didn’t have to set the table or wash the dishes afterwards. When he finished bringing out the utensils, he sat down at the table in the dining room. If he walked back into the kitchen there was a chance that his parents would have him help out with something else. Soon his parents started to bring out platters of food and set them in the middle of the table. Ham was his favorite meal and although his parents didn’t celebrate Christmas, they started to make Christmas meals a thing once he went to college. Presumably just to serve him his favorite meal when he came home.

​

            “Jacob could you get Sarah?”

​

            “Yeah sure, hold on.”

​

Jacob stood up and walked into the living room where his younger sister was lying on the couch, her eyes glued to her phone screen.

​

            “Sarah, c’mon it’s time to eat.”

​

            “Hold on Jacob. I’ll be there in a sec.”

​

            “One… C’mon let’s go, I’m hungry.”

​

Sarah rolled her eyes and got up from the couch. “Whatever,” she said.

​

            “Why are you so sassy? Cheer up, it’s Christmas.”

​

            “We don’t even celebrate Christmas, so why does it matter anyways?”

​

“Don’t be like that, and I can’t believe mom and dad bought you an iPhone, I used a flip phone until 10th grade.” But in the back of his mind, he knew she was right. His parents claimed they didn’t celebrate Christmas because the Confucian Korean culture they were raised in didn’t celebrate Christmas. But in reality he knew the real reason. They just didn’t have the financial capability to buy presents for everyone every year. But it was just easier to say they didn’t celebrate Christmas for cultural reasons rather than for financial ones. He followed his sister back into the dining room where his parents were sitting waiting for them. He sat down and started to load a pile of food onto his plate. His sister was still on her phone scrolling through Instagram and using her other hand to slowly scoop food and put it on her plate.

​

            “Sarah stop that, we’re eating.”

​

            “You can’t tell me what to do.”

​

“Dad tell her to stop,” he said. He looked at his dad who just shrugged. “Dad seriously. It’s rude to be on your phone at the dinner table.” His dad didn’t say anything. Jacob sighed and turned back to his food. The ham was slightly overcooked. To be expected, as it was only his parents’ second time making it.

​

“Jacob how’s school? How are your grades?” His mother looked up. She still hadn’t put food onto her plate.

​

“They’re good so far.” Jacob gave her the usual short response, knowing that she would follow up with specifics anyways. He tried to delay telling his parents about his grades as much as he could, but in the end they always found out.

​

            “That’s good to hear, I’m glad you’re doing well.”

​

“Yeah, I don’t know this past..” Jacob stopped. Wait. What the hell. That’s not what he expected. Maybe since it was Christmas, they didn’t want to spoil the mood.

​

“By the way, Jacob, your father and I got you gifts this year.” His mother started to reach into her purse on the ground and pulled out two envelopes.

​

“Mom, dad. You really didn’t have to, I’m fine.” His mother had already extended her hand holding the envelopes.

​

            “No take it. Sorry we haven’t been able to give you much before.”

​

Jacob took both envelopes. One said From Mom, the other said From Dad. He put both of them into his pocket and picked up his fork again.

​

            “Also Jacob, Sarah. We have something we need to tell you.”

​

            “Yeah what’s up?”

​

            “I’m moving out. Your dad and I are planning on getting divorced.”

​

Jacob stopped moving. He could feel heat rising to his head. His sister who was sitting next to him, looked up from her phone for the first time. “What?” she screamed. “How could you do this to me?”

​

“Sarah, please you have to understand that things weren’t working out for us anymore.” But at that point Sarah was gone, her untouched plate of food the only sign that she was ever there.

​

“Jacob you understand right?” He slowly nodded. His parents started to go into detail about what happened to their marriage, but his mind was still trying to comprehend what just transpired. Something about how they don’t love each other anymore, and fight too much, and they didn’t want to divorce right before he was in college. He tried to think of what he did wrong, of signs that foreshadowed this happening, and what this meant for his family. But his mind was blank. His parents finished talking, and were looking expectedly at him. He looked up and smiled. “Of course I understand, mom and dad. I just want you guys to be happy, and if this is what you think is the best for you guys then I support you.” His mother breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Jacob I knew you would understand.”

​

All of a sudden he wasn’t hungry anymore. He felt like he would rather be anywhere else than here. He would rather be doing anything else other than eating his favorite meal with his parents.

​

            “Hey, I should probably go check up on Sarah, I’ll try to talk to her.”

​

            “Thanks Jacob. I love you.”

​

Jacob got up from the table, his stomach feeling like it was in a giant knot. He slowly walked up the stairs and knocked on his sister’s door.

​

“Sarah? Can I come in?”

​

“Jacob? Yeah come in.”

​

Jacob opened the door and saw his sister lying face down on her bed. She looked up, eyes red and swollen from tears.

​

“Hey, are you ok?”

​

“How can you even ask me that right now? Mom and dad are getting divorced. Only dysfunctional families get divorced. I don’t know where I’ll live and if I have to leave my friends and my boyfriend. I thought mom and dad still loved each other. How could they do this to me? Don’t you care?”

​

“Yeah of course I do...”

​

“You obviously don’t, you didn’t even show any emotion.”

​

“Look Sarah that’s not the point. The point is, mom and dad want to do this because they’re unhappy. They are human beings too. This is a really tough time for them too and they need our support and understanding.”

​

“Yeah it’s easy for you to say, because you don’t care about them.”

​

Jacob didn’t say anything. Of course he cared about them. He wanted nothing more to scream and cry like his sister. But his entire life he was taught to conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know. He had to be the reasonable one and someone his parents and sister could rely on.

​

“Sarah, I really really really care about mom and dad. I just don’t cry, so you can cry as much as you want. You can cry double for me. But really, everything will work out in the end so don’t worry. We’ve always come out ok, haven’t we?”

​

Sarah cracked a smile. “Of course we have Jake. Thanks, I feel a little better now.”

​

“Of course. And if you ever want to talk about anything tell me right away.”

​

Jacob closed the door softly behind him and walked back to his room. His stomach still felt like it was in a giant knot. He thought that he would feel better after lying down a bit, so he got into a comfortable position and closed his eyes. A single tear rolled down his face. He wiped it away. But it was followed by another. All of a sudden his body was wracked with heavy convulsions as he tried his best to stay silent. He cried and cried until he eventually fell asleep, exhausted.